This Time Still Counts

I keep having to remind myself that this time still counts. Even though Jonny is away and it is cold and dark and miserable here (can you tell I really hate winter?) I can't fall into the trap of just making it through each day. I still have to make the best of this time. We watched that movie "Old Dogs" with John Travolta, Robin Williams, and Kelly Preston right before Jonny left. While it is pretty cheesy, it really was funny in some parts. Kelly Preston's character is getting sent to jail for 2 weeks and she says her motto is, "Don't serve the time, let the time serve you." I heard that and thought "That's it - that's my motto too."

I tried really hard to do that at first. I made a goal to read 2 books a month, which I realize is by no means a lofty goal. But it is more than I had been reading. I have read some great new books and some old favorites - Gone With the Wind (Scarlett's adulterous obsession with Ashley makes me madder than ever now but I still love the book on account of the history involved and Margaret Mitchell's unmatched imagery)and The Count of Monte Cristo.

I joined a gym. Would you believe me if I told you I had never before gone to a gym in my entire life? It is true. But a girl whose husband deployed a couple of years ago told me that going to a gym with childcare saved her sanity. So I thought I would give it a whirl. My sanity is still hanging by a thin thread, but I am in better shape. I even paid a personal trainer for three sessions to teach me how to use some of the equipment because I have no idea how. It helped, but I still don't know how to use at least half of the things there. They all look very big and dangerous to me, but it's not so much that that I am afraid of. I just feel like an idiot. You know, walking up to a machine, reading the little diagram and instructions on what you are supposed to do. So I watch what other people do and then after watching 27 or so people on a machine I go over to it and try to look like I know what I am doing. I know. I am nerdy.

The best thing BY FAR that I have done since Jonny left is train for and run a half marathon. One of the girls whose husband is with Jonny organized some of us and I committed to do it. I was scared, because I ran one when I was 22 and it pretty much kicked my trash, and here I am eleven years older doing it again? I know. Nerdy and crazy. But it was incredible. It was the Halloween Half. It started in Provo Canyon just up past Sundance and we ran down the canyon the whole time. The weather was perfect, the scenery was amazing, and who can believe it but I felt better this time around than I did last time! And did I mention we ran it in costume?





During the last mile I was really starting to hit a wall when I heard my cell phone ringing. When I answered it was my darling Jonny calling me from clear across the world. He told me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me and it made me cry (not good when already gasping for breath) and really helped me finish up strong. I love him. Like crazy.

This really was a personal victory for me. While I was pregnant with Sophie I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Things were really bad. It was while Jonny was away and my hands were so swollen and painful that I couldn't even dress the kids. So my Mom or my sister would dress them for me. I ended up at the ER twice with migraines because the joints in my neck would swell and I couldn't take much of anything to relieve the pain because I was pregnant so I'd just sit there crying and vomiting until I gave up and went to the ER. Sometimes I couldn't chew because the joints in my jaw would swell so much that my teeth wouldn't meet up. Nothing they gave me to treat the arthritis worked - even what they described as the "holy grail" of treatment for RA. It was a pretty depressing time for me. The doctor wanted to try one more medicine but I couldn't nurse Sophie while I was taking it. It was hard to decide not to nurse her when I was able, but he told me I really didn't have a choice. Fortunately that medicine has worked and I am able to control things pretty well.

So deciding to run this was a big deal because I really didn't know how my body would react. I really think it was a blessing from the Lord. I just prayed and prayed that I would be able to do it - I felt like it was something that I had to do, and my joints felt better than they have felt in years. I would go out on 10 and 11 mile runs and feel great after wards. It was amazing. And then ever since the race I feel like a 33 year old stuck in an 80 year old's body once again. But I am so thankful that the Lord let me have that time to feel so good. It was really exhilarating.

The problem I'm having is now that the race is past and winter has set in and my body hurts I just want to sit around and let the kids watch TV all day, which is clearly not acceptable. I need some new goals or something but I feel too overwhelmed by life right now to even want to set new goals. What to do?! I know! Maybe I should sit alone at night and write rambling, tangential blog posts and bore other people to tears!

I'm going now. To try and pull myself together.